Building Your Postpartum Village Before Baby Arrives
This guide is for First-time pregnant mothers who want to be proactive in building a village to support their mental health after baby arrives.
Contributed By: Rachael Bardnell · Founder & Therapist, The Whole Parent Collective
The Core Challenge
Mothers hear that support during postpartum is critical to their mental health, which is true. Mom needs a village to step in to care for her and to ensure she is getting the support she needs to heal. However, once you have the courage to ask for help you often find that the people you have asked to help just end up exacerbating your stress and anxiety leading to poor mental health outcomes for mom in the postpartum period.
Key Insight
The problem is that we ask people to help in areas that they have no strength and experience in. There are many ways people can help and many ways that we can receive help. Identifying and planning for postpartum help while still pregnant can save you from accepting last minute help that violates your boundaries.
Practical Strategies
Take some time to journal about your worries and concerns when it comes to the postpartum period. Set a couple of hours aside and go to your favorite place. Allow yourself to pour out your emotions and concerns in a very raw and honest way. Read it back to yourself and make a list of things you are worried about for this time.
Once you have these worries identified create a list with each worry as a header. Name two or three people who does well in this area of your worry. After you have identified these individuals talk to them and ask them if they can be a resource for you with this area.
Regardless of the concerns you listed, make a plan for help with your own sleep. Never just accept that sleep is unattainable in postpartum. You may not get 8 hours in one stretch but set up a routine to get at MINIMUM 8 hours in 24 hours. Lack of sleep exacerbates mental health conditions in the postpartum period. Work with your partner and anyone who is willing to create a plan before baby comes.
When friends or family say they want to help you when baby comes turn the question back on them. Do not hesitate to say, “how do you feel like you could help me best” or show them your list and say, “what of these things fit within your wheel house”. If Aunt Bertha loves to cook, ask her to drop off some meals a couple times a week. If you have a friend who loves animals, ask them to watch your dog for a couple weeks while you get settled. Help is not always coming over to spend time in your home it is just about getting things off your plate.
In addition to family and friend support, write down a list of therapist, psychiatrist, chiropractors, lactation, crisis hotline numbers, support groups, and other providers who could support you postpartum. It is better to have those places picked out and phone numbers on hand so you are not searching for them in the depths of postpartum.
A Small First Step
Journal and create a quick list of your greatest worries for postpartum so you can proactively start to address them.
Rachael is a Licensed Independent Social Worker, private practice owner, and millennial mom in Columbus, Ohio. Rachael has a Perinatal Mental Health Certification and supports parents who have experienced a trauma in birth and/or pregnancy with somatic therapy which focuses on nervous system recovery. As a working mom herself and entrepreneur, Rachael also utilizes this framework for parents returning to leadership positions after baby.
For more resources, visit https://www.thewholeparentcollective.com/
Download the “Postpartum Support Map” journal page here. To download please put $0 in the “Name a fair price field” then select buy. Insert your email and receive your download!!
If you are interested in purchasing the full PDF journal or want to learn more about ways The Whole Parent Collective can support you follow our Instagram @thewholeparentco or email at Rachael@thewholeparentcollective.com.
